We all start out as a blank slate and rely on our parents, family, friends, teachers, etc. to inform us, prepare us and even “label us” as they see fit. Even with their best intentions we can end up believing things about ourselves that become very limiting. Many of these beliefs are true and helpful yet some can be very destructive or self-defeating… setting insecurities, doubts and fears deep within us.
Know this – Words Matter!
What people say to us (especially those we trust like our parents, teachers and coaches) will become integrated within our soul and influence our “self-talk” (those things that we say to ourselves, about ourselves, within ourselves). And if what others spoke over us were not bad enough, our own self-talk will influence everything within our reality.
Healthy self-talk of course is good and negative self-talk, well, you get the point!
And I am not even including the other serious external issues of neglect, bulling, trauma, or abuse that so many of us go through and also become part of who we think we are.
My journey of self discovery was like most… following my piers into the teenage world where we thought that knew all and respected little, only added to my problems. I was living life, that childhood pain of being bullied, rejected and sexually abused was a distant memory that I though was all buried in my past. After years of self-destructive choices that I thought to be self survival (putting myself first), I was eventually rescued by Christ. Salvation (from myself mostly) came with a much better life.
What did not change in that redemptive process (becoming a Christian) was my mind and my self-talk! That was left up to me (free will). Of course, God led me to caring mentors, roll models, teachers, pastors and scriptures that would aid me in learning who I really am… the transformation of becoming who God says I am!
Even Jesus grew up in our world learning and discovering who He was, depending on others until He heard His Heavenly Father tell Him who He was. The first thing God said to Jesus was who He was: “You are my beloved son…”, and of course, the first thing Satan said to Him was, “If you are the son of God…” The first thing God wants us to have is our true identity. And the first thing out adversary, the accuser wants to do is challenge who we really are: “If you were really a Christian…”, “Does God really love you?!”
I found who I was by spending time with God and reading His Word. God helped me find my true identity in Christ and develop my healthy self talk in the following Bible passages: (they work for all of us)
- Romans 12:2 “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…” I love how it is phrased in the Message translation: “Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from inside out. Readily able to recognize what He wants from you and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture you were raised in, always dragging you down to it’s level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, and develops well-formed maturity in you.”
- The G.E. Power Co. chapters – Galatians, Ephesians, Colossians & Philippians. All the “In Him” scriptures that tell me who I am now that I am in Christ and He is in me. I let people and my personal experiences define me before… now I let God define me.
- Galatians: God has called me, has a plan for me, provides grace for me and set me apart. I am not to follow the “Law” in trying to be good enough, rather my inheritance (who I am) is in Christ and comes by faith and grace. Additionally, the Holy Spirit fills me with His fruit: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-control!
- Ephesians: God loved me, chose me, adopted me into His family and has blessed me with every spiritual blessing available in Christ. He has raised me up and seated me with Christ – meaning that I can now overcome in life by stepping out of my old nature and putting on this new creation nature that empowers me to love others and bring light to dark places. Since there is an enemy out to destroy us, God provides us His strength through spiritual armor & weapons.
- Philippians: Since God initiated this good work in me, He also promises to continue it and complete it. My role in this includes:
- Realize that I am a citizen of Heaven with an assignment on Earth. 1:27 (NLT)
- Stand in unity with others Christians (even through sufferings). 1:27-30
- Put on the attitude of Christ – humility + servant-hood + obedience. 2:3-8
- Guard your words – stop griping and complaining about everything you don’t like. 2:14
- Make “Intimately knowing Christ” the most important thing in life! 3:8-9
- Focus on the goal at hand. 3:13-14
- Stay full of joy through praise, worship and thanksgiving. 4:4-6
- When fear comes: Pray, give it to God, then focus my mind. (What we fix our thoughts on will determine our inner peace). 4:6-9
- Learn to be content in any and all circumstances. 4:12-13
- Colossians: God rescued me from the control of darkness, redeemed and forgave me and made me complete in Christ – this is the “Gospel”. 1:13-14, 23, 2:9-10 My responsibility to this gospel:
- Continue in Him, don’t go back to my old ways or to the “Law”. 2:6, 20-23
- Set my mind, my focus and passion on Christ and the authority that He has. 3:1-2
- Put to death, bring an end to, walk away from my sinful nature. 3:5
- Put on God’s nature. 3:12
- Forgive others 3:13
- Walk in love 3:14
- Let peace be the umpire of your heart 3:16
- Submit to others 3:18-21
- Do my work as though I am working for God 3:23
- Devote myself to prayer 4:2
- Guard what I say; my words should be helpful to others 4:6
Insights from a Passionate Christ Follower 
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